blessmyendeavors

…so, why are people so dang upset ?  He didn’t rescue a pound puppy.  Ok; the puppy he chose was already born; couldn’t be unbirthed, so why not?   There is nothing wrong with buying a pup from a breeder, where you can see it’s parents, and I assume it’s registry.  I met a lady who paid $500 for a Sheltie..( you know the kind?..looks like Lassie, only miniature )…imagine her surprise when the pup didn’t quit growing until it reached 75 pounds.   A co-worker bought a registered Old English Bulldog;  $1,000.00.  The Old English Bulldog is supposed to be tuff-looking, saggy jowls, cork-screw tail, and ground clearance is about 8 inches.   Imagine their chagrine when their baby grew to be 29 inches tall at the shoulders.   That’s about the size of a Boxer.   To both families’ credit, they kept the dogs.  They loved the beasties, but freely admitted they got shafted.  They bought dogs from people who couldn’t / wouldn’t show them the pups’ parents.   Any reputable dog breeder will freely, and proudly, show you the parents of their litters.

I understand that people accuse the kennel Mr. Biden bought the puppy at of being a puppymill.  It is easy enough to check.  She sells registered German Shepherds, so her litters have to be registered with the kennel clubs before the puppies can be sold.  Each pup has a ” puppy paper “, documenting it’s birth.  It’s easy enough to ask the AKC, UKC, or CKC how many puppies that kennel has sold over the past few years.  The kennel in question does well enough to supplement it’s bloodline with imported studs.   That isn’t cheap, people.  Nor is it as easy as driving to a new state to buy a likely dog. It’s also funny how the kennel has five documented years of no trouble, then suddenly, after selling a puppy to Mr. Biden, it comes under fire from an agency that is known for it’s own glass house.  ( PETA ).

I also understand people are dismayed that Mr. Biden didn’t get a dog from a rescue shelter.  Well, there is no doubt there are many fine pets abandoned each year.  I myself adopted out 18 dogs and 47 cats one year.  I live in the country and people dump pets all the time.   Let me tell you something else, while I’m at it…. quite often farmers just shoot strays on sight.  Dumping a cat or dog in the country is a death warrant very often.  Sometimes fast, by car or gunshot;  often very slow of starvation unless the animal finds a farm like mine.  How a person comes by a new pet isn’t as important as what they do with it afterwards.  Many pets are given the boot simply because their owners were too lazy to train it to proper manners.   Others outgrew their baby-cuteness.  Still more become pregnant since the owners couldn’t/ wouldn’t, spay or neuter, so they get tossed out.

I’d like to see some changes in animal welfare.  I’d like to see mandantory spaying / neutering programs unless a person had a license to breed pet animals, and set limits on how many they could produce ; stop the backyard breedings.  Let the law of scarcity bring back value to our pets, instead of them being an easily disposible commodity.  I’d like to see the program run for free, name it  ” NO EXCUSES “.

And while we are at it, people voted out the horse meat industry.  The Killers, we called the people who ran them.  Ever wonder what is happening to all the unwanted horses that can’t find homes now?   It’s a bit harder to adopt out a horse, in many places.  It’s also more noticible when a person dumps one.  Yes, it’s happening.  It’s  also affecting animal shelters who have found themselves euthanizing healthy horses, simply because even the shelters couldn’t feed them all.   This makes me as sad as if the killers still shopped.   The horses are still dying, but only the fertilizer plants haul them away now.   If this shocks you…good.  We need to be aware of more going on than just cats and dogs.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…. what has happened to teaching our young to respect our elders?  Granted, just because a person is aging doesn’t make them a respectable person, just as growing up doesn’t teach a child wisdom.  Many concepts in life have to be earned.  Status has to be earned.  Respect .. has to be earned, in most cases.  But as I watched the stories of the elderly being abused by teenagers, I shudder in distaste and am forced to realize that too many of our children who are spoiled brats are growing up to be sociopathic abults. The “ME” syndrome is going too far, people.  Children have the right to a childhood free of horror of abuse;  I agree.  Abusive parents and relatives should be stopped as soon as the abuses are discovered.  However, the raising of children to be the petty tyrants of the home; led to think the world revolves around their wants and needs is creating difficulties that are affecting adults not of the child’s home.  I watch the stories of the teen girls abusing the elderly in the nursing home and see one’s father defending that girl.  I have to wonder if he’s ever considered that she might be caring for him one day, when he’s too fragile to resist ?  I suppose he thinks his little girl would never hit him.

I watch the newest case of the grandmother kidnapped and hurt;  the boy rolling his eyes as he is charged.  Did his parents abuse him; are people going to make him the victim of his upbringing?  Or is he another example of a child being the victim of too much lenience in his rearing ?  No one is guaranteed happiness in life;  no one is guarenteed that you can have everything you want.  Children who are raised to expect life, and the people involved in it, to cater to their needs are being raised with false expectations of life.  People who fear , or are too lazy, to train their children to proper behavior , such as respect of other people and their property, are doing a disservice to their children, their community, and the world.

I’m not one to quote the Bible, but I have to wonder if this one is being misused a bit..” spare the rod and spoil the child”.. ( i.e.  : no consequences for misbehavior and the child is ruined ) vs. ( ease up on the punishments and cherish them more ).   Too many are using the first version, I think.  It’s time to take control of your children, so the police don’t have to.

I read the blog post she wrote today and it made me think.  ( http://otherhalf.today.com/2008/12/09/the-clingy-matter/ )   I do know some clingy people who drive me insane.  However, I recall times I wanted to be so close to the man I eventually married that I once described it as ” longing to get so close, that I could gladly crawl inside his skin and hide with him there”.  Ok, it sounds weird, I admit, but that is the only way I could describe how close I wanted to be.  so, I try to be sympathetic with clingy people.   Up to a point.

My son has a girlfriend who is clingy.  She will text him ten times an hour, and if he doesn’t respond, call until he does.  Nevermind that … umm … he is at work … ??  He gets annoyed; gets into a fight with her; calls me to vent, and I get annoyed.  I deal with stress by talking it out;  my son is that way , too.  He doesn’t want to scream at her, so I get to listen….oh, joy.   LOL … the things us moms will do for our children.

Still, it makes me more aware of the times I feel clingy; times, mind you, not lifestyle. I give in to my need by spoiling my husband.  I don’t think many men object to being pampered, as long as it’s not right when they are involved in something else.   I’ll rub his shoulders, fix him special treats, curl up by him, not across the room, when we watch TV.  I’ve bathed him, washed his hair , and served him drinks..( usually coffee or Mt.Dew…lol  ) in the bath.  He’s usually so relaxed and enjoying that.  I’ll perch on tub, or a stool, or just sit on the floor, and we’ll chat until the water cools.   I’ve made him look forward to my clingy moods.  If he isn’t around when my mood hits, I’ll do little things, like send him an email , just to chat.   Or, I’ll fix his favorite meal.  I’ll have his coffee waiting, maybe with a snack I had to expend effort over.    The point is, I created an acceptable outlet for my needs.  I let my clingy mood come out in loving care of him, coaxing his responses, not pressure to look at me, no demands for attention.  I try to make it impossible for him to not look at me and smile.

I admit right now, before I state my opinion today , I am a bit of a snob in certain aspects. I’m a poor person, hit hard by this economy, and I’m barely scraping by. I’m not whining; please don’t think that. I’m at this point due to decisions I’ve made and things I’m accepting as my responsibility. I chose to move back here, to live near my elderly parents in a depressed area for the remainder of their lives. When they are gone, I’ll move on with my life.

However, in comparison to many, I’m fairly well-off. I own this house; no mortgage, no landlord. We have only a prepaid GreenDot Mastercard which doubles as our pay card and it suits our needs just fine. Our cars are used, and likewise paid for. Our monthly bills amount to less than $300, excluding groceries and gas. By these standards, I’m almost rich. It makes me a bit of a snob though, when I listen to these bailouts reported on the news. I know how to live on low income.

I think the government helping keep these jobs going is a good thing. It needs to be done. What irks me though is how the employees are the biggest ones set to suffer. What I’d like to see is the bailouts given, with strings attached. I think every corporate person, and Board Member, and CEO, in the companies in trouble should take a paycut to a level of not more than $10 an hour more than their highest paid company worker; and no bonuses unless the employees get one first ! And yes, I do feel that is a generous amount.

I think they need to remember to be hungry again. I think they need to be worried about their personal bills again.

Don’t get me wrong; I see nothing wrong with people reaching for their dreams. I do see plenty wrong with gluttony at the top, as workers who provide the labor that supports that upper platform live under the threat of losing their abilities to reach for their dreams. If a company is in trouble due to bad decisions of the company leaders, let the leaders take the first cuts. They aren’t stupid; they have safeguards in place to continue their lifestyle for years, if they have any intelligence at all.

What many people don’t understand is that in reporting the pay rate of many autoworkers, the insurance and other non-tangible benefits are counted as hourly wages. When my step-father worked for one of the major auto companies, his wage was reported as $22 an hour, when in fact, he was only earning $16. He has been retired for over 15 years, and once more has to start worrying if he will be able to keep his home if his autoworker’s retirement dries up. He’s 80 years old and worked for them all his life. He can’t start over.

I personally think Jay Leno has a good idea. Give American people the money, let us sign a contract to buy an American made car with it. We buy the car, the autoworkers keep their jobs to build the cars, and the money finds its way to pay the bills to keep the companies afloat. LOL..Its a win / win situation. The money for the bailouts is ultimately coming out of our pockets anyway.

So, I spend wayyyyy too much time online. I have friends all over the world now. One, who is halfway across the country from me, but at least still in this country and not across the Big Ponds, is finally pregnant. She and her hubby have been trying for years, and since she’s in her 30’s now , were beginning to worry their chance was ended. She just posted today that she was finally, securely, pregnant. I plan to have an online baby shower for her. It sounds do-able, in this modern age. If she’ll set up an Amazon Wishlist, or maybe an account at Baby and Me. I’m sure other people have done this somewhere, right? Let me know if you have any advice. I understand its not safe for her to give out her addy and such to just everyone who comes along.

Amazon has that taken care of on their Wishlist applications. Anyone wishing to send gifts to her won’t ever see her address. I love how that works. Its a wonderful era we live in. The internet has let me meet some truly fantastic people. I feel my life is richer for knowing them.

Another glorious morning in cougar-land. That term still makes me grin. I got up at 7 a.m. and fixed my boy -toy coffee as he turned on the morning shows, both of us doing our wake-up routines that make up our sooooo exciting life. Both of us turn on the comps or reboot, or just check to be sure they function. Our stations are a reflection of us as individuals. Mine is homey and not so cluttered/ The wall behind it has a poster copy of Sir Frank Dicksee’s “Romeo and Juliet ” flanked by wall sconces bearing red candles; the wall these hang on is papered with fake stone. It makes it an attractive vignette.

His, on the other hand, looks like command central with 3 pc’s and 1 laptop . One pc runs a SETI program and functions as our answering machine ( which makes me wonder if ET might access my answering machine some day 0.o !! ); another and his laptop are his telecommute bases, the third pc is for websearches, downloads, gaming and music. It’s hard to beleive six years ago we only had one pc, and it was used.

In fairness, all the ones we have now are rebuilt by him, but still…. we are making progress from only having one and taking turns to having several….but he still has the greater share. Still, if it wasn’t for him, I might not own any. I’m not the computer illiterate I was, but he still has a wildness in his eyes as he tries to not give in to frustration as I struggle with a machine that he handles like an extension of his body. I wonder some days if he absorbs computer knowledge by osmosis, since he’s never had any formal training. He watches our tiny granddaughter with amazement as I just gape, while she, at age 3, whizzes through things like she was a geek in a former life. He had to password protect the BIOS after she accessed it and made changes in his programming. He sat and watched her do it; didn’t stop her. He wanted to see how far she’d get. Apparently she did pretty well; it was his turn to gape.

So much for my morning ramble.

A friend of mine began this topic a long while back,  and I come back to it now and then to read it and think about it , and go over the conversation we had afterwards.  I still think it was a topic of merit, though he maintains he has no leanings toward writing.   This posting is a colaboration of his topic, plus my input,  with expansion based on concepts our conversation brought about.   I hope it provokes thought in others as well.

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What does it mean to be a Man? Manhood is an achievement and a practice. An immature male is called a boy, but being a fully grown boy is not enough to be a man. Manhood is achieved by a male in taking and executing adult responsibility for a man’s role.

What then, is a man’s role? Across the range of human history and prehistory and through nearly all societies the role of the man has been nurturance. Nurturance using the particular abilities of the male of our species. This includes physical protection and physical support. Providing order, consistency, and an environment of security and physical support in which human society can live and grow. In almost all cases men have been the hunters and warriors, the builders and explorers. These roles suit their innate natures which differ on average from that of women.

Let me be clear, there are some women who are stronger, braver, and more adventuresome than the average man, and some men who are more feminine than the average woman. Male and female natures can be represented by two overlapping bell curves with differing means. On average the genders differ, but individual variation around these averages insures that the nature of the average does not tell you much of anything about a particular individual based on gender.

Males tend to be more physically active, impatient, assertive, aggressive, hierarchical, physically courageous, exploratory and prone to violence than the female of our species. Females tend to be more sedentary, socially caretaking, talkative, cooperative, and more prone to direct physical nurturing of others than men are. I base these assertions on observations of young children as well as adults.

Boys need a somewhat different upbringing than girls do. They need more structure and after a certain age need direct involvement by men to guide and control them. As boys near puberty they must become apprentices to mature men to learn to be men. This takes many forms and involves many lessons both specific and general. These lessons may include the learning of craft (building, hunting, athletics, seeing structure in the world, etc.), and must include the learning of self control and acceptance of responsibility for self and others.

Boys that don’t get this become not a support of society but a threat to it. They become either old children who retreat to passivity and dependence or big aggressive males with no idea who they are and where they fit, feeding their appetites at the expense of society. The problem is worsened by boys only going out alone and finding other boys to hang out with, who only think they have it all figured out,,and we have inexperienced boys leading novices. Real men need to be involved .. gangs are a symptom of men abandoning boys. The question is, at this point, how to get men to be interested?

Part of the problem is so many people being only self-serving, nowdays. Most people now spend their school and work days sitting in a chair or moving around inside a building. The isolation we have now in our lives feeds the problem. Children left to raise themselves, and isolating themselves on comps; parents, family, and friends shut out. The rise of technology and the conquest of nature have changed modern society from one needing the particular traits of both genders to one that primarily needs and reward those of the female. Successful and nuanced human interaction, communication, coalition building and social manipulation are the most important skills in average the work place. These play to the strengths of the average female and not to those of the average male. It is the “blue collar” kind of job that uses the strengths of the male nature, physical exertion, movement, exploration, aggressiveness, etc. In this respect, being male in modern society does not fit and males may well be on the road to obsolescence.

However, we still produce about as many males as females and we must find a constructive role for them or they will surely find destructive ones on their own. There is a limit to how many solders, policemen, lumberjacks, firemen, and beer truck drivers we need. Males must be acculturated into Manhood and men must have meaningful roles in society that suit their male natures. Otherwise, men will be obsolete.

As an aside, my son once told me when he was younger that he felt, somehow , that he lacked the skills to cope with life.  That comment disturbed me since he is an exceptionally bright person.  After my conversation with my friend, I often thought back on my son’s comment, and wondered if, being a single mom raising a boy, I might have inadvertantly created his confusion, simply because I can’t help but look at life through a woman’s perspective, and I raised my son, a male, to have a female’s perspective on life, and it simply confused his nature as a male.  ( I am one of those females who relishes the harder side of life, doing construction, and farm work for years, yet able to enjoy putting on a dress and make-up and going out to a nice place to eat without embarrassing anyone. )  I had wanted him to enter the military when he was 18, but he didn’t.  Later in his life, he did, and it really did help him in ways that awed me.   I’m not saying all boys should run out and sign up, I’m simply using this experience to point out that spending time in an all male environment, in a structured  training, that was sincerely geared toward males and acceptance of their inate natures was good for him.  It did something for him that I simply had no way of understanding or administering myself.   Out of this , I came to think that all boys reach a time when they seriously need the influence of mature,  stable men in their lives.